A book by Marshall Goldsmith that presents 12 traits of women compared to men and the direction for what to do. A book that sharply points out what has been blocking your way forward. Small changes needed for growth are necessary. Adults too form new neural circuits. However, you must keep repeating new thoughts and actions until they become familiar.
- Breaking the silence
The attitude of "I will not become a braggart" is a dichotomous attitude. It assumes there is only the worst behavior or its exact opposite. If you resolve not to flaunt your achievements, when you see people who do, you may think you are morally superior to them.
- Declaring
p. 120 She has never brought up such a thing and has never asked to be promoted. She seemed satisfied with her current work, didn't she? She likes our company and maintains a good relationship with clients. So she won't quit right away just because she didn't make partner this year.
"You must constantly say what you are doing, what you have achieved, and what your goals are." Make what you are currently doing, what you want to do in the future, and the reason you can do it well short, concise, and powerful.
-> So that even if you meet the chairman in the elevator, an impressive speech is possible within 1 minute!
Having precise goals: it should be to the point where you could inscribe your mission statement on a t-shirt. When you receive a work proposal, do not do it if it does not match your goals.
- Discarding work
"Mastery" and "recognition." If you try to do your current work perfectly, you are not showing that you want to rise to a higher position; rather, you are proving that you are exactly the right person for your current position. The four powers that reveal presence: a. the power of expertise b. the power of connections c. the power of authority; it comes from the conviction that you can inspire others
d. the power of status; "A decision is made by the one who holds the power to decide!"
- Finding leverage
Use your connections and help one another.
- Building a support group
A people-centered approach, not work-centered. When you rise to a new position or start new work—that is, when you need others' help the most—it is undesirable to confine yourself (such as trying to master the work perfectly). Such weak ties are more advantageous than strong bonds like those between friends. You approach the other person first. You try to connect people who know each other. This is so even when they are people you do not know well.
Requesting feedback—thanking—following up—letting people know
- Healthy selfishness
Did you, while focused only on doing your current work well, neglect the effort to rise one more step?
- Wise giving up
True freedom lies in imperfection. You do not need to be perfect. You must cultivate the ability to delegate work, set priorities, and take risks after careful consideration.
- Taking off the kind mask: become a person who is kind to yourself, not to others
p.204 In the end, her plan to please everyone failed. As a result, nothing improved through her sacrifice. Rather, it might have been better to make no effort at all.
Nancy's problem was that she tried to be loved by everyone and wanted to be seen as a kind and devoted person. p.207 She also realized that the fundamental reason she had suffered from excessive work was the desire to be a person others absolutely needed. "If you butt in excessively on everything, you look like someone who always wants to be the protagonist. People who try to please others are shocked by this fact. Because they always live thinking 'I am a good person,' and this goes against that." p. 211. Women's good-person syndrome is becoming increasingly serious, and this is because expectations toward women are growing ever greater. It is especially prominent where the "balance of work and family" has been taken up as a theme.
On one side, women are urged to take bold challenges and told that women too should aim to rise to the highest positions. But on another side, they warn of what terrible results follow when the time a mother spends with her children decreases.
To maintain composure in such a confusing environment, a process of carefully considering what your priorities are is needed.
- Confident self-expression: without "me," there is no "us" either
If you say sorry too often, or frequently apologize meaninglessly before you even speak, you must fix it. Words that minimize my presence: "just," "merely," "only," "small," "for a moment." Expressions that put yourself down and expressions that evade responsibility, especially the habit of raising the end of every sentence by one tone -> every sentence sounds as if it were a question. The meaning is ambiguous. It conveys a message that seems to lower yourself and evade responsibility. It looks as if you are staging a contradictory situation.
"How should I reveal a strong presence as a leader?": what they were curious about was mainly about appearance. But the most important thing is the ability to focus on "here and now." Work when working, converse when conversing. Focus at every moment, and focus on the opportunity that has come.
- Stopping the talking: the words you speak now tell that person's future
Watch and govern your emotions, then use them in a direction that benefits you. Speak simply and clearly. Revealing your weaknesses is not an act of authenticity
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A woman who discloses unnecessary information at work gives an image of being less trustworthy and not prudent.
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Reasons women disclose unnecessary information
a. They think doing so forms a good relationship. They think that to find common ground for closeness, they must disclose private stories. b. They think that disclosing personal information makes one an authentic person
- Parting with the past: you cannot expect different results while repeating the same behavior
p.243 Unlike ruminant animals, humans gain nothing by looking back at the past. Rumination is nothing more than an act of reproaching oneself. More precisely, it is self-suggestion close to abuse. p. 245 Even during a simple conversation, one ruminates and spends an enormous amount of time digging into what it meant
"Why did that person say such a thing? Was he talking about something I did? Does he dislike me? What if I misunderstand...?"
--> Analysis is poison!
Coaching: when you dig your own grave underground alone and feel that you are an inadequate person, cut off the thought, thinking "Men shake everything off. Therefore I too can shake it off."
- Selection and focus: becoming free from the world's gaze
A broad cognitive ability (radar mode). It has advantages, but if you are excessively conscious of others' reactions, it is easy to lose confidence, and you come to reflect on your own behavior more than necessary. If you mind people's gaze excessively, it is hard to focus wholly on work. The left hemisphere overwhelms the right hemisphere. ** A better life, and "me" 1) One at a time, slowly.
Dismantling the bundle of habits, dividing into the smallest units. Only will leads change. 2) To go far, you must go together 3) What benefits me 4) Remember how you got to where you are now. A book that will help all the world's women leaders breaking through the glass ceiling and moving forward.
Let us prepare an elevator declaration. ★ 4/5